Introduction & "Meeting Todd"

Hello!

Well I thought I'd start writing my thoughts down in a blog. I've had this account for a while but never chose to use it, I guess I just didn't know what to write and was afraid that no-one would read it, but I think now I realise this is more just a place for me to vent and share my thoughts... even if I'm the only one reading it!

My name is Steven, I'm your average 19 year old, currently studying Media Performance at University. I'm gay... although I've only recently come out. I always knew I was since as long as I can remember, however I was far too scared to ever tell anyone and I was convinced I never would. I didn't even tell my closest friends, however that all changed this year. I met a guy called Todd at University, he is about 3 years older than me and I met him through our Uni's theatre society. He was someone I never thought I'd be able to get, and someone I never thought I'd be attracted to. Up to now the kind of guys I've ever liked (in secret) were the teenypop disney style guys... i.e. Zac Efron! However Todd was more of a man... stubble on his face and generally hairier with brown hair and blue eyes. He has a very loud personality also, he can talk to anyone and is very outgoing... again not the kind of guy I've been particularly attracted to before! Up to now they are usually similar to me... fairly quiet but is loud when needed to be, sensitive and only has a few close friends.

I started talking to Todd online, he added me on facebook and subsequently msn. I must admit I wasn't immediately attracted to him, I was actually more into his friend Bradley... although I was "straight" so I didn't think either of them would be a realistic target anyway. However, me and Todd continued to talk online, and I think I became attracted to his personality first. He was funny and I enjoyed talking to him. We'd chat for hours and I'd never get bored. I remember one of the first things he asked me was "are you gay?" - which immediately made me think that he might be interested in me... or that he somehow knew I was. I quickly replid "no" and HATED doing so.

After those intial chats he talked to me in person at rehearsals, I suddenly went completely shy and could barely say anything back to him. I guess that was when I realised I liked him... it was like a schoolgirl's crush when the guy they like talks to them and they just freeze. Anyway, Todd clearly interpreted my nervousness as be being uninterested in him, and so from then on he stopped talking to me online, and at rehearsals, which I felt quite gutted over really. I started to forget about him, I had to I guess.

Anyway around December, a month or so after we stopped talking, he poked me on facebook. My intial thought was YAAAAAY cos I really missed talking to him and I jumped on that opportunity to write on his wall. I think I posted something like "Did you just poke me Todd... cheeky!". He replied pretty much straight away... and from then on we were once again talking! I was so happy =)

Anyway... I'll continue this in my next blog hehe