Getting to know Todd

So I'll start this blog where the previous post ended...

Anyway... me and Todd were talking again, virtually everyday, he was the only reason I went online! Lol! He eventually asked for my phone number... so I gave it him, and then the online chats quickly spilled over to text messages! I'm on a phone contract and I had gone over the number of texts I was allowed to type... by like loads... my bill was HUGE! But it was all worth it, I was getting to know him and I was happy we were talking again.

Todd then finally admitted that he liked me, I remember being sat at home receiving a text from him saying "I fancy you shhh" which made me jump around the room in happiness! I wanted to tell him SO badly that I liked him back... but obviously I was still "straight" so I couldn't express my feelings, which was eating me up inside really.

In rehearsals, we began talking again. He told me online that he was going to "poke" me in person as opposed to on facebook, so as soon as I walked in the rehearsal room he poked me... which made me blush uncontrollably and I didn't know what to do at all! I remember waffling something to him and then running out of the room! Haha! Pathetic really but I was embarassed I guess!

He then invited me to go out with him to the theatre society's christmas party. I was hesitant at first and didn't know if I should, however after thinking about it a lot I decided I would go. He would let me stay at his house since I lived at home for Uni and therefore didn't have a place to stay. Anyway, after classes at Uni he met me and walked me back to his house. I was so excited to be with him. That night we went out and danced till the early hours before getting a taxi home, however instead of it being just me he brought back, he also invited our friend Louise to stay with us... which at the time disappointed me because I wanted it to be just us two, but in hindsight I know he did it to make me feel more comfortable and so that people didn't get the wrong impression about our friendship. That night, whilst Louise had gone to the bathroom to get ready for bed, Todd kissed me... only briefly but it was a kiss and it made me want to SCREAM with happiness! However immediately after the kiss Louise walked in so we had to pretend that nothing had happened. I pretended to have no recolection of that kiss from then on... although in reality I was buzzing because of it! We 3 then shared the bed and slept. Partway through the night Todd grabbed my arm and put it around him so we were spooning. I didn't get a wink of sleep that night but I couldn't stop smiling =)

A few days later we decided to go out to pizza hut for lunch one day inbetween rehearsals! It was just the two of us and I was so nervous, I had never been with him for such a long period of time... and it being just "us". I was constantly thinking of things to say to him, but luckily he brought up the fact that he had worked in Disney World in Florida the previous summer, so he told me lots about that and the conversation kept going (although little did I know that in a years time that same topic would cause me so much sadness!).

After the meal we walked back to Uni and went our seperate ways for rehearsals. I text him a few minutes later just sending "^_^", to which he replied "what does that mean?", and I just said that I had enjoyed our lunch. I was so happy, and I liked him so much, but I couldnt tell him.

I'll continue in my next blog =)

Introduction & "Meeting Todd"

Hello!

Well I thought I'd start writing my thoughts down in a blog. I've had this account for a while but never chose to use it, I guess I just didn't know what to write and was afraid that no-one would read it, but I think now I realise this is more just a place for me to vent and share my thoughts... even if I'm the only one reading it!

My name is Steven, I'm your average 19 year old, currently studying Media Performance at University. I'm gay... although I've only recently come out. I always knew I was since as long as I can remember, however I was far too scared to ever tell anyone and I was convinced I never would. I didn't even tell my closest friends, however that all changed this year. I met a guy called Todd at University, he is about 3 years older than me and I met him through our Uni's theatre society. He was someone I never thought I'd be able to get, and someone I never thought I'd be attracted to. Up to now the kind of guys I've ever liked (in secret) were the teenypop disney style guys... i.e. Zac Efron! However Todd was more of a man... stubble on his face and generally hairier with brown hair and blue eyes. He has a very loud personality also, he can talk to anyone and is very outgoing... again not the kind of guy I've been particularly attracted to before! Up to now they are usually similar to me... fairly quiet but is loud when needed to be, sensitive and only has a few close friends.

I started talking to Todd online, he added me on facebook and subsequently msn. I must admit I wasn't immediately attracted to him, I was actually more into his friend Bradley... although I was "straight" so I didn't think either of them would be a realistic target anyway. However, me and Todd continued to talk online, and I think I became attracted to his personality first. He was funny and I enjoyed talking to him. We'd chat for hours and I'd never get bored. I remember one of the first things he asked me was "are you gay?" - which immediately made me think that he might be interested in me... or that he somehow knew I was. I quickly replid "no" and HATED doing so.

After those intial chats he talked to me in person at rehearsals, I suddenly went completely shy and could barely say anything back to him. I guess that was when I realised I liked him... it was like a schoolgirl's crush when the guy they like talks to them and they just freeze. Anyway, Todd clearly interpreted my nervousness as be being uninterested in him, and so from then on he stopped talking to me online, and at rehearsals, which I felt quite gutted over really. I started to forget about him, I had to I guess.

Anyway around December, a month or so after we stopped talking, he poked me on facebook. My intial thought was YAAAAAY cos I really missed talking to him and I jumped on that opportunity to write on his wall. I think I posted something like "Did you just poke me Todd... cheeky!". He replied pretty much straight away... and from then on we were once again talking! I was so happy =)

Anyway... I'll continue this in my next blog hehe